I really want to thank everyone who left me a comment or sent me an email yesterday, your kind words and caring thoughts really were just what I didn't know I needed. So thank you.
I am especially grateful to my gorgeous friend Trash, who left this comment:
Oh Gyps, I am sad to hear of your loss. It is difficult to explain the depth of the hole left by such a sudden loss of such an important part of your childhood.
If you know Trash, you will know she has a very special way with words. She managed to articulate the exact thing I was struggling to understand myself. Of course I was shocked and devastated by Jeannie's sudden and tragic death, as were so many people who's lives she had touched. But if I'm to be completely honest, I couldn't understand the depth of such overwhelming grief and loss, when in reality, I hadn't seen Jeannie for many many years. She was not a part of my everyday grown up life, her death would not actually leave a gap, an emptiness, in my day to day life. But Trash nailed it: The sudden loss of such an important part of my childhood. I think part of me is even grieving for the loss of the little 7 year old girl that I knew and loved, because that's how I remember her most.
Thank you Trash, for giving me the words I couldn't find.